Nice Nice Planer

Based on 'Ice Ice Baby' by the one true Vanilla Ice

Yo Mr Cook let's plane it! Nice Nice Planer Nice Nice Planer All right stop, put down your tools and listen Mr Cook is back with his brand new instruction Something grabs a hold of the wood tightly Clamp with a Jorgensen daily and nightly Will it come loose, yo I don't know Turn on the bandsaw and I'll go To the spindle sander I shape the wood for a candle Plane up a board and hold a clamp by the handle Clamp, go rush to the jointer that vrooms I'm choosing the stock when I'm in the wood room Deadly when the tools are left running Anything less than 3/8's is felony Sand it or stain it to put on display You better hit the start button, the wood won't plane If there was a scroll saw, yo I'll use it Check out the mitre box while Mr Cook Demos it CHORUS Nice Nice Planer it's just a (x4) Now that the student is clamping With the power kicked in and the saws are cuttin' Quick to the saw to the saw not taken I'm planing the wood, what's he making? Sanding them if it ain't smooth and nimble I go crazy when I hear a hammer And a hard-hat with a bent up chisel I've got it measured, it's little bit over Planin' until it's 5.0 With the vacuum on so the dust won't blow The stop button's I stand by, waiting to go awry Did you clamp? No, I just sawed by Kept on pursuing to the end of the shop I busted a left and I'm heading to the bandsaw The oak was thick Yo so I continued to 4 5/8' on the thickness planer Shop was hot wearing less than safety goggles Oak in planers thinning until I can't see these Jealous 'cause I'm out staining mine Shane with a plane and Jason with a knife Ready for the clamps on the wall The clamps sitting still because they're holding all Projects strewn out like hell I grabbed my clamp all I heard were tools Falling on the shop floor real fast Jumped to the planer, slammed on the drill press Table saw to table saw the wood shop's packed I'm trying to get a planer before the clampers clamp Dust is on the screen, you know what I mean They planed it up, cleaned all the wood grain If there was a spindle sander yo I'll use it Check out the new saw blade while Mr Cook installs it REPEAT CHORUS Plane it 'cause I'm busy at the moment Mr Cook is on the scene just in case you didn't know it My shop that created all the tool sound Enough to shake and get dust on the ground 'Cause my project's smooth, you can feel Smooth surfaces that you can't thicken with a sanding wheel Clamped and sanded it's a hell of a project We make it nice and you want to clamp with us Shane plays with the blade, slice like a bandsaw Cut like a coarse blade so fast other students say CLAMP If the wood was teak I'd sell hold it with my hand Keep my clamp on when my project is getting loose Cover my eyes when I kick the dust on my shoes If there was a chisel yo I'll use it Check out the spindle sander while Mr Cook Demos it Nice Nice Planer it's just a Nice Nice Planer it's just a Nice Nice Planer (oh-oh) it's just a Nice Nice Planer it's just a Nice Nice Planer it's just nice Yo man get that wood out of here Wood to your planer Nice Nice Planer too thick Nice Nice Planer too thick too thick Nice Nice Planer too thick too thick Nice Nice Planer too thick too thick

Woodshop Rap

Based on 'Ninja Rap' by the one true Vanilla Ice

YO! It's the mitre box Gonna cut down without losing stock Have you ever seen a board Clamped Down? Sandin' Planin to get the size down Yeah, everybody, listen up Cook is here with the new Jorgensen Clamp Gonna file, and lathe up this place With the power of the safety goggles on your face! Mr Cook, ya know I'm not chiselin' Put on a new saw blade while the students are fiddlin': CHORUS: Project, Project, CLAMP! Project, Project, CLAMP! CLAMP CLAMP CLAMP CLAMP Clamp Project, Clamp Project, CLAMP Clamp Project, Clamp Project, CLAMP! Clamp Project, Clamp Project, CLAMP Clamp Project, Clamp Project, CLAMP! CLAMP CLAMP CLAMP CLAMP Wood glue, all over my lap Drip that varnish and sand off the CRAP File it, if you know what I mean Give the saw to those in need Just planin', smooth with the sander Jointing it up, layer after layer Cause in this shop there's only one planer You better set it good so you don't need the sander In it to thin it, with a setting of four Drill Presses that you gotta adjust it's the: CHORUS Hooligans, you better not hit my side Because one day the blade will slide Choose your Jorgensen and don't slip Vise is in control with the flex of the handle grip Holdin' the wood the way it should be held With the wood knot that you sand a lot Sandin' like a shop teacher when the 120 grit kicks in You better check your thickness The power of the Jorgensen is strong Clampin' all the oaks until they're holdin' strong CHORUS Oak Oak Oak CHORUS

Use My Planer

Based on 'Butterfly' by Crazytown

Chorus: Use my planer, use use my planer It's cutting by, planing, lathing Use my planer, watch it planing It'll make the wood shake, better than sanding (x2) Such a rough, knotty little thing Fierce sliver pierce you got me stung from the maple grain And I ain't gonna file cause your surface needs the style So to keep it by my side there's a Jorgensen stored nearby Sawdust in her eyes and blades that kill Blade is passing I'm asking is the saw a Skil? Cause without a clamp it won't hold still The only thing I really know is I need a drill I sand too much is never enough I'm always doin' it to smooth it up When the wood gets rough I plane it down I haven't seen the chisel around It's a hole that I want So yo, I'm drilling it down CHORUS I don't joint it unless it'd some kind of wood that has too much thickness Then I plane it too To use the oiling booth, I never really knew T'll I asked you It was sanded and planed too Clamped and chiseled up Knew a better tool existed but I thought I wasn't to use it My project's wild I was jointing with professional style Clamped on the short end sanding all the while And yo, who's finished now? I see the class ending and Mr Cook saying "Dismissal is not allowed" CHORUS Hey Mr Cook, come and help me The smartest thing you ever did was pass a clamp to me So, whatever clamps you fancy Cook, it's glued and the measurements are wrong, see? So thick....almost a 2" x 4" Talking about wood in the scrap bin I used to think that clamps were only for oak and maple But you showed they make any wood stable You filled that empty space with the glue I used to hate and as far as I can see it don't hold better than this So Mr Cook, here is a project and it's down to thickness and a few glue drips I hope you miss CHORUS

Planing it Right

Based on 'Meaning of Life' by Disturbed

I wanna get clamping Plane it cuz it's thick I want the sander going, vacuum flowing, blade's hot, planing it right It's not enough to have leave a little paste I want to sand the thing down Can you plane it? Need to get clamping wanna hear you sand it plane, you joint it, stain it Don't wanna paint until we sand it more The glue is out, we go to the store We can drill it with any luck And now you wanna get clamping with me Sand by Thicken I wanna get clamping Plane it cuz it's thick I want the sander going, vacuum flowing, blade's hot, planing it right It's not enough to have leave a little paste I want to sand the thing down Can you plane it? Need to get clamping Wanna use the plane Tell me to help you, clamp too, screw you After we've sanded the oak It's thin enough, you planing it more? We can drill it with any luck And now you wanna get clamping with me I can feel the wood, flowing through the grains Spilling the oil And now the puddle's getting bigger Clamp a little tighter now Pretend its teak and sand it thinner Clean the sawdust that is building in here I saw with the blade of carbide, hope wood doesn't slide Is how I've been jointin' that I can't anymore And the need to get clamping Is not a problem in here

Chiseling

Based on 'Remedy' by Cold

I don't clamp how you clamp But please don't sand it too far down I don't plane how you plane But it's my job, I'm done I don't drill how you drilled I can't just plane away You keep changing your design Thickness plane Chorus: If it's rough I'll be sanding the same thing If it falls I'll be starting over again I don't want your chiseling I don't file how you file The clamp holds on, it won't let go When it's glued and adhered I made it hold I don't sand how you sand There's nothing left to plane You keep changing my design Thickness plane CHORUS (x2) I don't sand I don't plane I don't want chiseling I don't want chiseling! CHORUS (x2)

In the Woodshop

Based on 'In the Ghetto' by Elvis Presley

As the sawdust flies On the bench the wood is formin' A big Jorgensen is hold'n In the woodshop And the guide slides 'cause if theres any material that she don't need It's another worn out blade In the woodshop Student, don't you protect your hand? You could build a shelf that won't stand or he'll use wood that he didn't pay Take a look at the blade spinning free You need to put the guard on, see? Do we simply plane our boards or file against the grain and a hanging little sliver on the oak put on your safety goggles, this ain't no joke In the woodshop And the sawblade turns so he sets the RPM to cut more straight and he learns how to file and he learns how to joint In the woodshop Then one class in desperation A saw blade breaks away He gets a new one, steals a screwdriver tries to clamp, but he turned the handle too far And his wood splits As a cloud gathers 'round a dust fan glue down on the wood with a spreader in his hand In the woodshop As her project falls, on the bench sits a Jorgensen, another little chip has formed In the woodshop